Last friday I went shopping with my sister. My kid sister. She’s 20 now. We both had a cold, but along with my boyfriend, had a lot of fun checking out crafting supplies. I was clueless as to what was about to happen in the next few days.
Let’s go back twenty years. I was traumatised with three baby brothers, who appeared in rapid succession lol. The crying, the fits, the diapers, the more crying… but they were growing, and as a young teen, the worst finally seemed to be passing.
Along comes my sister.
Ever since she was a baby, ever since her first days, she revealed to us the type of person she would eventually become. She was a happy, uncomplicated baby. She was sincere, and had a strange ‘light’. I keep saying that if all babies were like here, there would be more babies in the world.
She had a short life line on the palm of her hand.
She grew, and continued being her light, sincere, affectionate, pure self. She’s active, fun, creative, loving.
As a teen, she was busy being a teen. Friends, phones, friends lol.
As my half-sister, I only saw her so often. I wanted to tell her about the things I had learned so far. And I never forgot the short life line. I never managed to find the time to grab her and talk to her in a meaningful way. Whenever we met, there were too many people and distractions around us.
Christmas came, and my gift to her was a letter. In this letter, I shared with her advice about all the things I had learned in the fifteen years I had lived since her birth. It came in handy it seems, and saved her from making the same mistakes I did. She recently thanked me for it, she had before, but this time, she realised how useful it had been. She sent me an image that really moved me.
Saturday, I was about to start lunch with my mom and my brothers (my also half-brothers, mom’s side), and she phones me asking if I wanted to do lunch. I told her I was already about to start lunch, so if she wanted, she’d have to come join us. She passed.
Saturday night, dad texts me that my little sister is in the hospital. Her lymph nodes were apparently going crazy, her thymus too big to be considered normal.
We go see her there. She seems fine, rosy cheeks, bit of a cough. She’s smiling as usual, worried but calm. I went back home, hoping it was something like mononucleosis.
The next day comes. I phone her up in the morning to see how she is doing, and if there is any news. There is, and bad news she says. Lymphoma. Lymphoma?
Yesterday, biopsy time. We visited. Couldn’t believe how calm and sweet she was. How strong. She talked a lot, she laughed a lot, she reassured a lot. She was strong for her mother every time she saw a tear. “I am here and I’ll keep being here, you’ll see. I will beat this”. So so brave… that light.
The painkillers wore off, and so did her light. I helped her get to bed for the night.
Today we might get news. Lymphoma or not, Hodgkins or not. Been reading up on it and I am not liking what I am reading.
It’s weird. She’s my baby sister, I have always seen her as that. There are too many years between us for me not to. It feels like I somehow cheated. I’m fifteen years older, and I did a lot more things wrong, I do not have her light, and here I am, clean inside. It just doesn’t make sense. She’s too good for this.
I’m still hoping this was all just a fuck up the doctors made.
My boyfriend has the same sort of ‘light’. He’s been so helpful and well… as usual, he keeps me on the path.
If you read this send my kid sister good vibes.