August 3rd 2015… I was still blissfully unaware of what was about to happen to me when I wrote my last post here.
Ten days later everything changed.
An ultrassound told me the baby I was carrying was going to die. It did sometime around September. In the meantime, I got married, the baby was still alive then. Spent a mini honeymoon still carrying him, waiting for him to die, looking at all the babies and pregnant ladies during their holidays…so many of them, it hurt so much.
September 11th… not sure anymore… Came the horrors of the hospital. I was treated like a second class patient. The baby was dead anyways, right?
Then came about three months of grief. Lots of anxiety regarding test results too, those took 6 months to come, but fortunately, my husband and I were fine.
We tried again, 24th of December, that same year… And it happened again, this time sooner, thank goodness. I didn’t have to go to the hospital and did everything at home. It was so much easier.
Then we tried again… And again we conceived. So fertile lol…
5 weeks into the pregnancy, my former doctor told me to give up again. I called my mother crying, that’s how she found out I was pregnant again. Heh… She told me “No, we are going to my hospital”. We did, and the baby was still there. Heartbeat flickering on the screen at last.
A week later, another scare, and again mom said “No, we are going to the hospital”… Heartbeat still there.
Ten weeks, another scare, he was still there… moving, looking beautiful.
No explanations for the small blood losses I had.
24 weeks of anxiety, despair, sadness and some hope followed. Everything was always fine in the ultrassounds, but I still couldn’t believe it. It was only after the last major exam, which included a heart exam, did I relax, and allow myself to buy any baby items.
I got my first 3D peek. He looked so beautiful.
I hid most of this pregnancy, I didn’t want people to see me. Since week five I was on baby aspirine, progesterone… since week six I was on Lovenox belly shots, daily. I didn’t even know if I needed any of this, but just in case, I took it all. I could add some more sad details, things I heard, how I felt… but I’m in another place right now, and I need a break from that.
April came… abouth two months ago. And here he is, at last. My very healthy, very beautiful little boy.
He smiles since week 4.5, he has his mother’s temper (oh no), he loves boobs and always falls asleep while feeding, he loves to sleep with a cloth over his face (like his mom), he has my hair (thank god), he has those cute grey eyes babies have (like I did), he probably has his dad’s nose (thank god), his smile melts my heart, and still makes me get all teary-eyed, he sleeps ok, still no illnesses…
He’s finally here 🙂 ❤